Demopalooza '08, Day 1

Thoughts on Day One of DemFest '08:

• I don't care about Nancy Pelosi's rise to power. The little movie was as necessary as an eleventh toe...but I suppose they needed filler.
• Jim Henson, er, Jim Leach of Iowa...was useless. That muppet voice did little to represent any kind of strong bridge between the parties. I kept waiting for Fozzie Bear to run out, pie him, shout "wakka wakka wakkaaaaa!" and dash off the stage before being tackled by security. Then Gonzo would chase a couple of chickens across the stage, pausing in front of the camera to realize he was on it.
• Ted Kennedy, despite having his friggin' brain opened up recently, looked strong enough to pull the ears off a Gundar. Maria Shriver, however, in the audience clapping her scaly claws together, looked like a slightly younger, brunette version of Joan Rivers' leftover skin. If she'd have clapped a little harder, she might have started a fire.
• Michelle Obama, whom I love, did a lot to finally introduce the family to the people. Unfortunately, she did it at 10:30pm, so hardly anyone will have seen more than the highlights the media deems fit to talk over.
• Barack Obama, whom I love, looked awkward and forced interacting with the family via satellite after Michelle's speech.
• Wolf Blitzer still sucks, needs to come down with some kind of creepy-crawly wee beastie infestation...and then kiss Donna Brasille deeply so she gets too sick to be on TV, as well.
• Giving me a satellite channel with unfiltered coverage was nice of the satellite company...but it will eventually either drive me nuts or cost me my marriage...